Tuesday, November 4, 2014

The Monster

So, this post is going to be a bit lacking in pretty pictures and whatnot due to the fact that I have spent the last twenty-odd hours battling an evil monster that crept its way into my house. It invaded silently, suddenly, and with horrifying speed. One text tipped me off that something was headed my way:

"Can you make tea?"

A husband who normally does not request tea is now requesting tea? SOMETHING IS AFOOT. My suspicions were confirmed when a sad, sick-looking sweetheart informed me he wasn't hungry.

Oh no. The cold is here.

Now before we all go psycho nuts: no. We don't have Ebola. I checked. WebMD reassured me that we only have brain cancer. What a relief.

Normally, Sailor is the last to succumb to ailments (unless that ailment is poison ivy), so I was quite shocked that he was the one who brought the monster home. Granted, everyone at his work has been getting it, but I really thought we were immuno-fortified and ready to combat this season. Guess not.

I will admit, I had been feeling under the weather all weekend. Had a tiny, quick fever and some puffy red eyes for two days, but nothing like the monster we are currently fighting. I am talking: lack of appetite, chills, aches, sinus pressure, exhaustion, feeling-cold-when-really-you-are-burning-up, type of stuff. My poor husband is much deeper in the throes of it than I am, because as soon as I got that text about tea I started downing vitamin c pills like I was aiming for an overdose. Regardless, I still have a fair few poopy symptoms that have me glued to the couch.

Please don't take anything I am writing as actual medical advice. I'm sleepy and delusional, but there's nobody home to stop me from writing a melodramatic blog post.

I am so worried that my poor, sweet, and (so far) completely unaffected baby Z is going to turn into a mini monster if I am not insanely proactive. I mean, I'm washing all the laundry as it hits the floor, bathing in hand sanitizer, and scrubbing my hands to the bone. Thank goodness this little boy is so chill: all he wants is to be able to see his mom and dad from his bouncy seat most of the time. Which I am completely capable of accommodating. I cannot imagine having a baby who needed to be constantly held to keep from crying.

Though, not holding him unless I have to is hard. He's so darn cute after all. But it's for the best. Sacrifices.

So, my suggestions to all you out in internet land?
-Drink all the water.
-Wash yo' hands, ya nasty.
-Buy vitamin C in all forms NOW before you are sick so you don't have to go to the store when you are sick (trust me).
-Chicken soup. Make it. Eat it. Freeze it. Don't run out of it.
-Keep your tylenol bottle stocked. We didn't have any. Again, going to store when you are sick is ultra poop.
-Get Kleenex. Like I said above.
-Hot baths multiple times a day if you do fall prey to the monster.
-Netflix.

I think I need to go take a nap now.